More Calvinist Humor

Photo from The Sacred Sandwich. It’s not really a Calvinist joke. It’s a church joke — if you can think up a good caption.

Here’re some possibilities —

1. Bob and Harry discovered that even after they’d built a $5,000,000 auditorium, they still couldn’t get far enough away from each other.

2. But the preacher said we’d grow if we’d just build a big-enough auditorium!

3. The preacher decided that maybe that 5 a.m. service wasn’t such a good idea.

4. So …. preaching on baptism every single Sunday doesn’t draw them in like they said it would in preacher school?

5. Well, we couldn’t sing four-part harmony with just two voices, so we thought we’d try some instruments.

6. So maybe we should have talked to more than two members before introducing the instruments?

Advertisements

31 Responses

  1. CFTF Idol, Hollywood Week!

  2. Nick,

    LOL

  3. All of the totally-committed, sold-out, rootin’-tootin’, true disciples of Jesus that are still faithful to Kip McKean in 2040 as he calls out the remnant (from the “International Disciples of Christ”) to start another discipling movement.

  4. That Mrs. Finkleman’s problem with gas keeps getting worse and worse.

  5. So when we fired that change agent of a preacher, I said to him, I said, “I think we can get along just fine without all that grace stuff!”

  6. When they told me that any hour for worship other than 10 a.m. was unscriptural I thought they were kidding.

  7. When I said that God was not interested in your mere rote attendance I was not giving permission to leave.

  8. So I said to that liberal multi-cup preacher, sanitation is no reason to make a change. I believe that the Lord will protect us from whatever kind of flu there is.

  9. “That preacher really does have a whiny pulpit voice doesn’t he?”

  10. Sometimes I think people over react when James Spann mentions snow.

  11. So I told the eldership , just let me do it my way once, and I will prove to you that people are more flexible than you think!

  12. That’s when I told that Reverend Allgood, “if you think my congregation cares that you are having Allison Crouse perform across the street at your church on Sunday morning , you have got another thing coming!”

  13. “I didn’t realize it was already the first day of deer season.”

  14. So I said “No football coach with an Italian sounding name will draw our church crowd to his old victory celebration!”

  15. So when the elders said we would start having a separate service for gay people who knew everybody would start going to it just to see who would show up.

  16. And I told those other churches, I don’t care if you did invite Jay Guin to preach this morning. Our church still doesn’t believe in combined assemblies!

  17. “I didn’t realize it was already the first day of deer season.”

    This may be the only serious response offered so far. 😉

  18. One of the best straight-line photos I’ve ever seen. And there’s no humor like church humor!

  19. What do you mean, “If you build it, they will come,” is not in the New Testament?!?!?

  20. Wherever two or three are gathered in my name, I am in their midst (Mt 18:20) – why strive for more?

  21. Many are called, but only a few are of the elect …

  22. We care for every single one … we could not handle the multitudes anyway.

  23. Brother Brown is best known for not tickling the ears of his congregation …

  24. “… and now to the fourteenth aspect of the Greek pronoun in this third verse of this great genealogy …”

  25. First of all: The Gospel is about truth not relevance.

  26. “Noah preached for 120 years and only saved eight souls…..”

    (I actually heard this used Sunday night to defend diminishing COC numbers)

  27. And so, another church “pot-luck” takes it’s toll!

  28. The pastor called a meeting of everyone who payed their tithe.

  29. Or perhaps this is the intermission between the bike blessing and the pet prayer parade.

  30. Or maybe when they got ready to partake of the Lord’s Supper they realized they only had bread and grape juice handy, so everyone ran home to prepare a big meal and come back.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: