The Colonoscopy

So I’ve gotten behind in my email and all, and people are complaining … but I have a doctor’s excuse. I just spent the last two days preparing for and enduring a colonoscopy.

For younger readers who are not familar with this technical term, it’s what happens when you turn 50 (or 55 in my case) just because you’re getting old. It’s not enough that your hair is falling out and your joints ache and not a single body part works as well as it used to — oh, no! — to make sure you live long enough to lose even more hair, have even achier joints, and parts that work hardly at all, you have to have a 17,000-foot tube stuck up your hinterlands and pictures taken of the inside of your large intestine — and get this! — given to your wife! (Can Facebook postings be far behind?)

It is, needless to say, the most demeaning, humiliating, and just plain nastiest procedure known to man — and that’s just the getting-ready part — and is surely some kind of revenge doctors have against the rest of world — especially lawyers. I tried to explain that I’m not the suing-doctors kind of lawyer, and that I actually represent lots of doctors and like them very much — but this did me no good at all.

So I was planning to write something detailing the experience, but found that Dave Barry had already written a very graphic explanation of the whole thing. Read his account. It’s accurate in the extreme.

PS — I am just fine.

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4 Responses

  1. Jay

    Praise God for your good results, You are needed more than you know.

    Bob

  2. Thanks for not getting too detailed… We are thankful that you are just fine (Praise the Lord!!!). Didn’t know you were a lawyer, but that does explain the most excellent work you do in your teaching and seeking the truth of the Lord in your blog. I hope its ok that I forward your articles on occasion, they really help the Ministry at my church and others also.

  3. Forward away.

  4. Hope you get a clean bill of health!

    Here was the addendum on the e-mail broadcast where I originally read David Berry’s piece.

    On the subject of Colonoscopies…
    Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite humorous….. A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:

    1. ‘Take it easy, Doc. You’re boldly going where no man has gone before!’

    2. ‘Find Amelia Earhart yet?’

    3. ‘Can you hear me NOW?’

    4. ‘Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?’

    5. ‘You know, in Arkansas, we’re now legally married.’

    6. ‘Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?’

    7. ‘You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out…’

    8. ‘Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!’

    9. ‘If your hand doesn’t fit, you must quit!’

    10. ‘Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.’

    11. ‘You used to be an executive at Enron, didn’t you?’

    12. ‘God, now I know why I am not gay.’

    And the best one of all.

    13. ‘Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?’

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